


If I Fell

by cadetchekov



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-03
Updated: 2013-08-03
Packaged: 2017-12-22 06:33:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/910035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadetchekov/pseuds/cadetchekov
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'If I give my heart to you, I must be sure from the very start that you will love me more than her'</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Fell

**Author's Note:**

> Fic to Evan Rachel Wood's version of the song If I Fell by The Beatles.

It was a strange feeling -- not waking up in the middle of the night, that happened often enough -- it was strange having someone's warm body beside him. Not in a bad way, it was just... different. It had been so long since that last happened (years!) and he didn't quite know how to proceed. McCoy got up, careful not to wake the man by his side and walked to his bathroom, closing the door behind him. He threw some water on his face and looked in the mirror.

This wasn't the first time he and Pavel Chekov had sex, far from it, but it was the first time they spent the whole night together. McCoy didn't do morning afters, he would just fuck whoever happened to fall into bed with him and leave before things got awkward, and  _never_  over at his place, and certainly not in his quarters with crew members. His space was  _his_  space, and he didn't want it tainted with dirty one-night-stands. But Pavel wasn't one of those. As Jim would vulgarly put it, they were 'fucking on the regular' for quite a while now, and, somehow, it was more than just sex, no matter how much McCoy would deny that to his best friend and himself. Not only was this the first time they spent the night together, it was also the first time Pavel had been to his place at all, and before it happened, McCoy found himself nervous about it. Which was pretty ridiculous, his quarters were perfect, everything in it's place, completely neat, he was a doctor, dammit, of course he was a bit of a neat freak. He didn't have a reason to get nervous. And when Chekov said his room was cute and asked to hear the story behind the picture of his daughter on the nightstand, he didn't let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, because he hadn't been nervous.

McCoy ran a hand through his hair and sighed. He didn't even know what he was doing in the bathroom. He opened the door and looked at the sleeping man in his bed, a warm feeling spreading all over him. The feeling was somehow familiar, yet foreign, he couldn't exactly place or identify it.

_**~~ If I fell in love with you, would you promise to be true and help me understand ~~** _

_Could_  it be love? Love.  _Love_ _._  Even thinking about the word fills him with trepidation. He knew love once, a long time ago. Once, love made him happy, it gave him a family, it gave him a daughter, love was good, once. But love took it's toll on him, love faded away and made him miserable, it took away everything he had, leaving nothing but the option of going to  _space_. The lack of love, however, brought him to this ship, brought him his best friend, and it brought him Chekov. Young, Russian Chekov, with his blue eyes, curly hair and thick accent.

**_~~ 'Cause I've been in love before, and I found that love was more than just holding hands ~~_ **

They first got together on a drunk night during shore leave. The planet's alcohol was a lot stronger than he had expected, and apparently both of them got way too handsy and things just happened. McCoy felt guilty, the kid was only seventeen, for Christ’s sake. But Pavel talked to him, said it hadn't been his first time, nor the first time he had casual sex, so there was no reason for McCoy to feel bad. After that they somehow got closer, and started becoming friends. Chekov was a good kid, so why not? But he didn’t expect the rest. He didn’t expect to get attached to the kid, he didn’t expect the always-present want to be near him, hearing his voice and his laugh. He didn’t expect to fall in love.

**_~~ If I give my heart to you, I must be sure from the very start that you will love me more than her ~~_ **

What really scared McCoy, was that they fought a lot. Right now, sitting alone in his bathroom in the middle of the night while Chekov slept peacefully in his bed, he couldn’t remember why. He couldn’t pinpoint one single reason for their fightings, but it happened, way too often for his liking, and it made him nervous in a way he didn’t even know he could get. If this was to ever become more than what it was, if this was truly  _love_ , how could he know it wouldn’t end up just like his marriage? McCoy couldn’t stand to lose love a second time.

If he was to be honest with himself -- which, apparently, he was now -- he’d admit Pavel Chekov was nothing like his ex-wife. They did argue a lot, but they could always talk it out, they didn’t hold grudges against each other. Their fights never lasted too long, and they were still able to move on.

_**~~  If I trust in you, oh please, don’t run and hide, if I love you, too, oh please, don’t hurt my pride like her ~~** _

But Chekov was a flirt, he could out-flirt Kirk any day, and that was saying a lot. Before they started talking, McCoy always watched him from a distance, always charming crew members here and there. And McCoy just couldn’t understand it; Chekov was young -- he had his whole life ahead of him. Why would he choose to be with an old man, like grumpy old McCoy?

Chekov could leave him any time now, surely, his Russian angel would get bored of him, would move on to his next adventure, or whatever, and then what it would be of him? He would be alone and heartbroken again.

_**~~ ‘Cause I couldn’t stand the pain, and I would be sad if our new love was in vain ~~** _

But he knew better, he knew this wasn't who Chekov was. Sometimes, he'd catch Chekov looking dreamily at him -- or at least he liked to believe so -- and in those moments, McCoy thought maybe the gorgeous young man could love him just as much.

_**~~ So I hope you see that I would love to love you ~~** _

Taking a deep breath, McCoy got out of the bathroom and back to the bed. The moment he laid down, Chekov rolled around and clung to his side, McCoy wasn't much of a cuddler, but in that moment, his heart grew fonder of the simple action. He felt different, he felt as if in this dark room, with this boy holding him in his deep sleep, in the middle of the stars in a fancy can, he could learn the meaning of home again.

_**~~ If I fell in love with you ~~** _


End file.
